Christian Self Help graphic

Christian Self Help


Fix Your Marriage


  The Line In The Sand
     - Credits
     - Forward - L. Alexander
     - Introduction
     - 1. The Dawning (Part 1)
     - 2. Incoming
     - 3. Return Fire
     - 4. Bankruptcy
     - 5. Pressure
     - 6. I'll Show You
     - 7. Liar, Liar
     - 8. Broken Glass
     - 9. Grand Canyon (Part 2)
     - 9a. No Canyon
     - 9b. Making The Canyon
     - 9c. Codependency
     - 9d. Baggage
     - 9e. The Way We Are
     - 9f. Work
     - 9g. Exclusion
     - 10. Spelunking (Part. 3)
     - 11. In The Darkness
     - 12. In The Light
     - 13. Reorganization
     - 14. The Final Chapter

     - Review - J. Talavera
     - Review - N. Beck
     - About the Author

Fix Your Marriage

(Part 1) The Line in the Sand - Chapter 4. - Bankruptcy

     Nothing left in the account. No hope left. There is nothing left to pay out. There is less coming in than going out. You feel helpless and alone, with no way out. Even the foxhole has abandoned you and now you discover yourself standing alone in the middle of the battlefield. The war rages on around you as you sink into desperation. With the instinct of a cornered animal, the hair standing up on your neck, you take a step away from your position. Hurting and lonely you make your move.

     Your heart sinks as you walk into the office to draw up the papers. The time has come to make the decision to claim bankruptcy. You confess that your life is a mess, and that you have nothing left to give, and there is not enough coming in to cover what is expected from you.

     Nothing left in the account. What happens when there is a similar drain on the emotional needs we all have? There is not enough left to give back to others. You need love and acceptance, but Iím broke. You need security, but I am insecure. You need to feel closeness, but Iím withdrawn. You need kindness, but Iím rude. You need someone to hold your hand and walk with you, but I am unavailable. You need acceptance, but I reject you. You need encouragement, but I put you down.

     ďEnough!Ē Iíve had it. There is nothing left to give. Thereís no room at the inn. I give up. My account is severely overdrawn.

     Have you ever been there? Just existing with no hope, and no direction, filled with pain and not understanding it? I confess that I have, and what a depressing, sad place to wake up one day. As I examined the damage my choices had caused, I cried bitterly with a deeply rooted pain I had never before experienced. The pain I was experiencing had been there since it happened; however, I had chosen not to acknowledge, or to account for it.

     Some definitions of Account:
          1. A narrative or record of events;
          2. A report relating to one's conduct;
          3. A formal banking, brokerage, or business relationship established to provide for regular services,
               dealings, and other financial transactions;
          4. Money deposited for checking, savings, or brokerage useÖ

     I have identified three different accounts we all need to keep open and filled.

     , there is a need to have an abundantly filled account. There is only one source for this account balance. The source is the word of God, the bible. More valuable than any amount of money or worldly goods, this account can be deposited into as often as you desire. The balance increases exponentially with quantity of deposits. Interest also compounds with length of time the account is open. The more you put in and the longer it is open, the higher the yield. Sadly so many well meaning and kind people rarely, or even never, deposit to the soul account. What can I do with a low balance in my soul account? Even harder to swallow is; what can I do for others if I am not spiritually full? worksheet...

     , there is a need to have an account overflowing with positive deposits. There are many sources for deposit into this account. Friends, family, enemies, people you donít even know all contribute to this account. Most do not realize that they are depositing into your account. You can even deposit into this account with your own thoughts and actions.

     There are two types of deposits to this account. Positive deposits consisting of edifying, comforting, nurturing, and uplifting words and actions directly deposited into your emotional account, directly to the heart account. Negative deposits, which affect the account balance much like a withdrawal, consist of demeaning, discomforting, hurtful, and inconsiderate words and actions. Again these are directly deposited into the same emotional heart account.

     The positive deposits can build up over time to produce abundant overflowing, but this is rarely the case. The negative deposits can quickly drain the balance lower and lower until your heart account is way overdrawn. So negative your account can become that you will find yourself emotionally bankrupt. I am sad to think how many people there are with no positive balance in their heart account. worksheet...

     , there is the need to have a account with a positive balance. Each person deposits to this account through personal situations and choices. Some cannot exercise due to limitations, and some choose not to. Others can and do take care to deposit to the body account regularly.

     Another choice is what food deposits to put into my body for the fuel it needs to be sustained. Positive deposits to this account are needed on a regular basis to keep the body account balance positive. Negative deposits in the body account can have prolonged and even devastating results if made over time. This can act like compound interest, only growing in a negative direction. Choice is at the heart of the body account. worksheet...

     Overdrawn accounts. Negative balances. I have awakened to find my soul account overdrawn. I have not been reading scripture daily. I have not been washing myself daily in the Water of life, Godís word. Consequently my deposits to the soul account are all tapped out. I have turned my back on God, no longer falling down at the foot of His throne, begging for mercy, crying out to Him, and seeking His grace.

     I opened my eyes one morning to find myself feeling tired, and looking a bit heftier than I remember. I have not been walking regularly. I have made regular deposits of junk food and I havenít even cared about it. I think it doesnít matter any more because nobody cares about me anyway. Overweight and holding an overdrawn body account, there seems to be no way out.

     I used to have a spring in my step, now I trudge through my day and it takes so much effort just to take one step. I once had dreams and goals and exciting things planned for my life. Now there is only a painful string of failures I canít even count anymore, and I barely remember the dreams, all shattered and in pieces on the ground around my feet. Sometimes I feel pain; the natural, physical aches and pains of life, but most of the time I canít feel anything at all. Numb. I am hiding alone in my foxhole, pain-free, or so I think. I am so bankrupt in my heart account I canít even find the bank, let alone the checkbook.

     The heart account is so vulnerable to attack from every direction that often times we dismiss incoming as trivial or unimportant with the message, ďThatís just the way he is, so no big deal.Ē We will minimize a situation to avoid the impact of the incoming hurt. Often, the incoming will be increased in size, or maximized, to appear much larger than it really is. Whatever the result, in the end there is yet another negative deposit into the heart account. Overdrawn again.

     Closed accounts. The account is closed. I realize that something is so wrong that I shut down my heart. No more transactions are allowed. I canít take this any more. I give up. I hate my life. Iím leaving. I want to die.

     Whether your account is overdrawn or closed, there remains one thing, your heart. Stabbed, bruised, or crushed your heart has sustained some level of damage and is in need of repair or healing. This is true.

     It is also true that right where you are, right now, right here, the choice is completely yours. You have the choice to leave or stay, hate or love, avoid or approach, resent or forgive, ignore or give attention to, keep it all or give it all up, to file for bankruptcy or to make it work. You even have the choice to close the account or to keep it open to accept deposits of all kinds. (Matthew 11:28-30) "Come to me, all you who labor and are heavily burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart; and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

     Jesus is the authority in this field. He is the Bank of the Heart. CEO and Teller, the Holy Spirit runs the daily operations. The next time you are balancing your heart account checkbook, give the deposits to the Holy Teller. He will make the deposits positive for you. There is a choice you can make that cancels out those negative deposits, one-by-one. There are heart account checks you can write in your own handwriting. Forgiveness checks. Have you written a forgiveness check lately? Are you holding onto those negative deposits in your resentment savings account, hoping for a return on the investment? Are you investing time and effort to retain and grow your bitterness account?

     The bitterness account is available at the bank of resentment. Why are we choosing to bank there?

     I choose Jesus and His Bank of the Heart. Where are you banking? Do you want to change banks, write some forgiveness checks and balance out your account? ďCome to me,Ē He saysÖ worksheet...


© M. Scott Worthington 2006-2017 - All rights reserved.
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