Christian Self Help

Relationship Essay - Father and Son

• First and foremost - God loves you more than you (or I) can even imagine!
• Second, I love you unconditionally!
  (...even when, by your choice, you are difficult to communicate with, or rebelling, or slacking off. Try not to think of the negative things that I point out as how I feel about who you are... That truly is a lie that the devil wants you to believe.)
• Third, Let's talk one more time about how I feel about you...
  I love you unconditionally! You are a tremendously sensitive and warm-hearted person. I am proud of you just for who you are. I am a better person because you are teaching me things about myself that I may not like to admit, but I AM WILLING to listen, and to change. You are blessed because your heart is soft, and because you really do have a love for God (even though you may want to sleep in...) that shines through in your kindness toward others, your desire to serve others as a doctor, and just your gentle manners. I deeply appreciate your sense of humor, which is off-the-wall, and very special! I appreciate you for your wisdom to know what is right and what is wrong. I appreciate the fact that you desire to be wholesome and morally upstanding. I appreciate you for your outward positive example to others. I appreciate your ability to learn quickly, and that when you don't understand, you question. I appreciate you for being strong and challenging MY authority; Your challenge helps me to think outside the box.

The consequences of my actions:

My consequence is simply this: I must openly accept responsibility for the words I have written and spoken, and for any actions that I have taken. I must be open to receive ill feelings, actions, and words because the system has placed a consequence (their consequence, not mine) upon your shoulders. I must now listen to your opinions, venting, and questions, whether positive or negative (your choice), with an open mind, while still keeping your best interests as most important. My consequence is one of dealing with the friction, while still loving the person, and doing my best to continue to guide and even push you where necessary. My pushing, regardless of whether it is through encouragement or pointing out your "failures," is a form of molding or shaping with the desired outcome of positive change in you. A resulting consequence from doing my job as a father (pushing/encouraging you to better yourself) is that I will be thought of as a dictator, a controller, a "@#*%3&," or whatever... I am not only willing to receive these titles, I am understanding of their source, or origin. My consequence is that I must continue to love you even when you think badly of me. Come to think of it, my consequence is compound and not so simple after all.

The facts as I see them:

1. A person for whom I am ultimately responsible is making choices that could potentially lead him in a wrong direction. This could be construed as "my opinion," however, I am working with a skill-set provided to me by maturity and my life experiences. So I see this as a fact.
2. A person for whom I am responsible is not goal setting to the absolute best of his God-given ability, and thus is currently falling short of his tremendous potential. I also see this person looking negatively at the "right now" and not positively looking toward what is to come. Yes, we are to live in the now, but we have the beautiful example of our Savior to:
   1. Forgive those who have trespassed against us,
   2. Live in the Joy of serving the Lord, and
   3. Look forward with anticipation to what He has prepared for us.
   This simply means that we MUST press on in the difficult tasks and situations of the moment because the difficulty is a tremendous character building tool God uses to grow us closer and closer to the image of Christ.
3. A pattern of failure has established itself in our family, among the male children. My true desire is that the last person would succeed in the "simple" task of completing high school. It may not seem so simple while you are in the process, but (believe me here) you will be grateful for the extremely important milestone achievement of obtaining your High School Diploma. It may not be meaningful to you now, or even when you are 50, however, you can always think back to your achievement when you are feeling incapable of something... You will be able to say with confidence, "I did it!" And on that same note, I know you can press on and achieve your milestone. "I know you can do it," dad said thoughtfully.
4. I'm not perfect. I don't claim to be perfect. I will never be perfect. I can barely survive some days, and yet keep pressing on through the difficulties I experience each day. My jobs are a tremendous burden on my soul, and I would quit if not for the greater reward of being with God in eternity. Knowing that I am not perfect helps me to strive for excellence in seemingly unimportant circumstances. I strive to do the best I can in my job. I strive to do my best in keeping to a basic schedule. I strive to do my best by working to improve my flaws. I strive to build others up, and not tear them down. I strive to improve our financial circumstances. I strive to keep up a clean house for all of the occupants. I strive to enter into each life for which I am "responsible." I strive to keep up a neatness standard (MUD rules) on the outside of our home. I strive to provide *many* extras for those who ask. I strive to maintain a positive outlook, regardless of the circumstances. I strive to continually press into what God wants me to be. I strive to remain pure in my thoughts, words and actions. I strive to assist my children to achieve positive results in the things they undertake. I strive to finish the things I start. I strive to forgive in all things where I've been hurt... I strive to admit my wrongs and to seek forgiveness when I have hurt others. Ok, now ... Let's see, where do I fall short? Suffice it to say that I can improve in every area of my life. I'm not perfect.
5. Nothing worth achieving is "easy." This may sound like a stupid statement, and yet the most incredible things accomplished are usually discovered because the person never gave up. Observe the following contrast:
   • Fact - If you give up now (when you are soooo close...), you will suffer negative consequences that will be VERY difficult to overcome. You already see the results of this through the example of others who have gone before you...
   • Fact - If you persevere through these "difficult days" and achieve the reward of your High School diploma, you will have already overcome, much sooner indeed, and your positive consequences will be amazing in contrast to what could have been...
   What seems like the "easy" choice becomes more difficult later ...and... What seems like the "hard" choice becomes easier later ...
6. Another fact is that your education is not my responsibility, just like my education was not my father's responsibility. He pushed me, I didn't necessarily "like" it, but NOW I'm VERY glad he did push me to do my best. Because he pressed on me to do my best and to finish every task to the best of my ability, even back then I completely understood that I needed to complete high school as my first-step to becoming an adult. I knew that without my diploma, the difficulty of my choices would be significantly increased! The result of my dad's pushing and my choices was to stay the course, no matter how difficult! I wasn't willing to deal with the consequences of High School failure! Did I mention how my senior year was a breeze? That was a fact, too...
7. Yet another fact is that your mother and I BOTH love you unconditionally, desire what is best for you, respect you as an individual, and know that you can achieve whatever you set your heart upon! Who you are to us is NOT wrapped up in what you do or say, but in who you are as God intended you to be.

In Summary:

My promise to you: